


Bad Ending

by SlySkySeamen



Series: If It Ever Comes [2]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blood, Cuts, Deepthroating, Forced Orgasm, Humiliation, Knives, Lost of begging, Lots of Crying, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Rape, Read at Your Own Risk, Rimming, Sexual Abuse, Shizuo being a monster, Snowballing, Verbal Abuse, and im sorry in advance, lots of screaming, this is terribly dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 22:54:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14412267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlySkySeamen/pseuds/SlySkySeamen
Summary: Just as the tittle says, this is a bad ending. It can be read as the 3rd chapter of 'If It Ever Comes' and possibly as a stand alone as well? Read the tags and read at your own risk.~~~~~~‘No!’ he thought desperately. ‘I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.’ the words became a mantra in his mind and he didn’t notice when he started mumbling them.He stopped when another bark of laughter erupted. Izaya’s eyes widened, the mania laced in the laughter making his panic resurface. “You think I’ll stop just ‘cause you’re apologizing? You’re too fucking late.” the last words came as a sneer and Izaya almost whimpered in fear.





	Bad Ending

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. I'm sorry. If you already read this; yes, I took it down. Several people were upset and I, being the people pleaser I am, felt really bad and took it down. Then a friend told me I could still post it but as an alternate instead and I thought 'I'll make it like one of those fucking Nitro+Chiral games that ruined my life.' so here we are. Not sure if I will post more chapters for this so I'll mark it as complete for now. I'm afraid of the horrors I could end up writing ^^;
> 
> READ THE TAGS, but in case you're stubborn...  
> WARNINGS: RAPE/NON-CON, VERBAL ABUSE, PHYSICAL ABUSE, SEXUAL ABUSE, VIOLENCE, BLOOD, BEGGING, SCREAMING, CRYING, and just over all bad, disgusting stuff that nobody likes. 
> 
> READ AT YOUR OWN RISK, again in case you somehow missed it.

He had been dreading this day. The moment he got the call from Shiki he had been filled with dread. His monster had been right, he couldn’t stay away from Ikebukuro forever. It was week shy of 3 months after Shizuo called him that Shiki had called, telling him that the Awakusu-kai needed him in a meeting. He knew the undertone of that whole conversation was a dark threat and he had no way to turn them down if he wanted to survive. The Awakusu-kai wasn’t to be underestimated, Izaya being an ocean away wasn’t enough to stop them.

 

Now, 5 days after that call, he was just arriving at his old apartment. Being such a powerful informant helped in many ways and talking his landlord into having his apartment ready for him was a breeze. After all, he could buy the whole building if he so wanted to, he just couldn’t be bothered. The movers would be arriving later that day with all his stuff back from Russia so he was currently sat at his old desk in a bare apartment. He was lazily scrolling through a chat in a futile attempt of calming his shaking hands.

 

Since he arrived to Japan he had been constantly panicking. Shizuo’s cold, calculated anger hunted him whenever he lost focus on his job and had led to him having the worst insomnia he’d had in years. Thankfully he was too exhausted by the time he fell asleep to have any kind of dreams or nightmares but he still slept too little and the proof rested under his eyes. In moments like this one, when he had nothing to do other than wait, panic would settle in stubbornly.

 

His mind was currently spinning around the way Shizuo’s voice sounded like condensed hate, the promise of death more real than ever. He knew the blond could kill him easily, could literally snap his neck with the same ease as breaking a twig. But he wasn’t all that afraid of death, he knew everyone was bound to die someday no matter what they did. What scared him was what Shizuo would do before finishing him off, how much it would hurt to see that face filled with hate that he had created. After finally acknowledging that ,yes, he did love the man with all of him, that same man would now probably end his life.

 

It was a fitting ending he thought. He did torment Shizuo for years, constantly ruining the little joys the blond could find and never letting the peace the blond wanted to last more than a few days. He was a horrible human being, playing around with people’s lives as if they were just his pawns in a fucked up table game he himself had created. He was the real monster so his pitiful end had been a long time coming.

 

And with that mindset, he still couldn’t help panicking. Because he knew he could have had Shizuo. If he had talked to Shizuo when Celty had told him to do so, probably none of this would have happened. If he had gathered up the courage to face his feelings and voice them perhaps things could have been different.

 

After wracking his brain, thinking of what could be the cause of Shizuo’s change he reached a conclusion he was sure was correct. Him cowardly running away broke Shizuo’s heart. His previous actions and reputation led to Shizuo believing it had been one of his many schemes just to ruin the blond’s life. Everything was entirely his fault and he had been drowning in regret for weeks.

 

He closed his laptop and groaned, running his fingers through his hair in exasperation. He truly wasn’t himself anymore, he was too overwhelmed by everything. Just keeping up his usual chirpy character was exhausting and he was glad the only meeting he had was with Shiki and it was at night so he had some hours to compose himself.

 

He stood up and made his way to the kitchen. The meagre amount of grocery shopping he had done was still sitting in his fridge untouched, he still hadn’t cooked anything and the thought of doing so now made him grimace. With no energy to even order some delivery, he settled for the bottle of fine whiskey he had yet to open. He poured himself a glass and took a sip, relaxing at the warm slide down his throat. Maybe the alcohol would help to at least slow his panic inducing thoughts.

 

He spent the better part of an hour sitting on his desk chair and looking out his glass windows. People watching still calmed him, thankfully, and he was able to compose himself somewhat. The movers arrived shortly after and he gave them the instructions, smirking at their swift and efficient work. About an hour later, his apartment looked like he had never left. Everything was in place and the homesickness that was left in him dissipated, leaving him relaxed and calm enough to be able to take a short nap.

 

-

 

The meeting came and went flawlessly. The nap recharged him enough to be especially chirpy and the alcohol in his system helped him forget about Shizuo the whole time. He was currently skipping through one of the sidewalks in Ikebukuro, his mind was solely focused on the job just given to him and he relaxed his guard a little when he noticed he was close to Shinjuku. He regretted it shortly after, when the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end with the prickle of being stared at.

 

Being careful to keep his outward appearance unchanged, he focused on his surroundings. He had no idea why he hadn’t taken the train to Shinjuku and was now cursing himself for maybe having drunk a little bit too much on an empty stomach. He was passing by an alley when he finally spotted his stalker’s position but he was too late.

 

His stalker grabbed the hood of his coat and yanked with enough force to make Izaya choke. Faster than he could register, he was pressed against the wall and both of his wrists were pinned over his head in a painful grip. He blinked his blurry vision away and gasped at the familiar face inches away from his.

 

“I hope you didn’t think I was bluffing.” the deep growl had equal amounts of elation and anger. Izaya’s blood ran cold, panic quickly taking over.

 

“I would never.” he almost winced when his voice wavered. “But I’m barely in Ikebukuro, Shizu-chan.” his voice was strained and he hoped the blond chalked it up to the pain in his wrists.

 

“Still counts, and I could smell you for some blocks. You were probably in some yakuza place, doing that horrible thing you call work.” Shizuo’s voice was dripping with venom and the easy way he saw through Izaya made the brunet freak out and he started squirming against the iron grip on his wrists.

 

“Let me got, dammit.” his voice was a little higher than normal and his breathing got uneven the more he struggled, the pain in his wrists near unbearable.

 

The low chuckle made the brunet freeze, as if the cold of it had physically affected him. “This is new. Are you afraid?” the blond leaned in, their noses almost touching.

 

Izaya turned his head away and clenched his eyes shut. “You fucking beast.”

 

Shizuo’s hand curled around Izaya’s neck, slowly applying more and more pressure. “Yeah, that’s what you wanted. You’ve always called me a monster.” the blond leaned in closer, his mouth right against the brunet’s ear; the warm breath against his neck making him shudder against his will. “I’ll show you what you’ve always wanted then.” Shizuo’s grip tightened, blocking off Izaya’s airway. “I’ll show you what a monster can do.” the low growl sounded far away, Izaya’s lungs were burning from the lack of air.

 

Shizuo maintained his hold until the brunet started to pass out. He let him go shortly after and then draped Izaya’s limp body over his shoulder. Without a second thought, the blond made his way to the brunet’s apartment. It was closer and way nicer than his anyways.

 

-

 

Izaya finally snapped back to reality when he was thrown on a bed. He hadn’t really passed out, more like he was dazed, but he couldn’t even muster a thought. He grabbed at the sheets underneath him and then frowned. They felt exactly like his sheets. He heard a door click closed and twisted his body, pushing his back against the headboard of the bed and looking straight at the door.

 

He was, indeed, in his room and Shizuo had just entered, locking the door behind him. The blond had one of Izaya’s most expensive whiskey bottles in his hand and calmly made his way towards one of the nightstands beside the bed. He grabbed the glass that was already there and poured himself a generous amount of the amber liquid. Izaya cringed when Shizuo drank it all in a single gulp, the richness of the whiskey lost on the blond.

 

“You are quite possibly the worst being in the whole world.” the blond spit out of nowhere, the words bitter and vicious. “You are a selfish asshole with a god-complex. You play with other people’s lives for your own amusement. Because of you being bored people have lost their lives.” the more he spoke, the louder his words got, growled out from deep withing his chest. “You even helped minors commit suicide! You are fucked up to the core. The closest you will ever get to being ‘god’ is being Satan’s fucking spawn.” the grip that had been gradually getting stronger around the cup finally made it shatter.

 

Izaya had not moved an inch from his position. He kept his face blank but inside he felt like he was bleeding. Every words was a painful stab, a misery worse than anything he had ever felt. The words were not new, he had heard several people say shit like that to him all throughout his life. But those words were the sharpest when they came out of Shizuo’s mouth.

 

“You spent all that time calling me a monster when you were the monster all along.” Izaya flinched at those words and Shizuo didn’t miss it, he scoffed. “Doesn’t feel good, right? You fucking deserve it though.” Shizuo neared the bed, standing right against the edge. “You’re such a nasty little thing, so fucking vile.” the blond rand a hand through his hair, pushing it back and away from his face. “I can’t believe I let you play with my feelings as well.”

 

Izaya flinched again and lowered his face. He couldn’t keep looking at Shizuo, it was too much. Everything felt so raw and brittle. He truly was everything the blond said. It took a few seconds for those words to sink in though. And when they did, his eyes widened but he refused to look up.

 

“I fucking fall for you and trust you blindly. And what do you do? You fill me with hope and then crush me. Running away and then slapping on my face that it was what I wanted after all. Well not at that point, asshole. At that point I wanted to just talk to you and get to know you better.” Shizuo grabbed the bottle and drank straight from it. “Can’t even begin to imagine what you would’ve done if I had told you anything.” he scoffed again. “You would’ve probably made me one of those brainwashed followers you keep.”

 

Izaya’s mouth moved before he could stop it. “No! I wouldn’t have.” the words barely made it out of his mouth when a sharp slap snapped his head to the side, his vision going black for some seconds from the force of the attack.

 

“Liar.” the hiss made him flinch and he just froze. Shizuo sounded and acted just like a mindless monster. That wasn’t his goal anymore. Hearing that his conclusion had been correct right out of Shizuo’s mouth made him want to curl in on himself. He now knew he’d had the chance to redeem himself and he fucked it. If he hadn’t been such a stubborn coward, he probably would have been able to have Shizuo. If he hadn’t been so selfish, thinking only about himself when he ran away, he maybe would have realized Shizuo’s feelings and could have acted accordingly.

 

He fucked it all up. Whatever the blond wanted to do to him was his deserved punishment.

 

Being so focused on his misery, Izaya never noticed Shizuo climbing on to the bed and crawling towards him until their noses brushed. He was snapped back to reality when the blond kissed him with bruising force. It was aggressive and filthy, it made Izaya’s chest tighten uncomfortably. Shizuo’s kiss shouldn’t have been like that. Their first kiss should have been slow, maybe timid, but this was nothing like that time almost a year ago.

 

Even through his resigned thoughts, his survival instincts kicked in. His mind screamed danger and he found himself trying to push Shizuo off. The blond did pull back a little but just to laugh with dark amusement. The brunet’s left wrist was grabbed with enough strength to crack the bones and a pained cry came out of him.

 

“You should be excited.” Shizuo twisted the cracked wrist a little and smirked at the yelp it caused. “You’ll get a taste of this monster you created.”

 

_‘No!’_ he thought desperately. _‘I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.’_ the words became a mantra in his mind and he didn’t notice when he started mumbling them.

 

He stopped when another bark of laughter erupted. Izaya’s eyes widened, the mania laced in the laughter making his panic resurface. “You think I’ll stop just ‘cause you’re apologizing? You’re too fucking late.” the last words came as a sneer and Izaya almost whimpered in fear.

 

It was pathetic, the lowest he had ever been, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t build his walls back up. Not when he knew this was his fault. Not when he had made a monster out of the man he loves.

 

He shut his eyes tightly when Shizuo kissed him again, harshly grabbing his jaw to force his mouth open. The blond’s tongue swiftly entered his mouth and explored everything and it would have been glorious to Izaya had the situation been different, had he not ruined everything so thoroughly. The kiss was messy, drool escaping their mouths. Izaya was quickly running out of breath and bit Shizuo’s tongue in a desperate attempt to make the blond pull away. It worked, a coppery taste spread in his mouth and he greedily sucked in air but the air left him just as fast, a pained whimper leaving him as well.

 

Shizuo growled at the pain in his tongue and harshly grabbed Izaya’s hair, pulling and twisting him. He forced the brunet’s head into the mattress and locked both arms on his back. The blond undid his bow tie and used it to tie Izaya’s wrists, the painfully tight binding making the brunet grunt in pain against the mattress. He felt Shizuo pull away for some seconds and heard the drawers of his nightstand being opened and searched recklessly.

 

Shizuo hummed. “Guess I could add slut to your list of traits.”

 

Izaya tensed, humiliation running hot through him. His shoulder was grabbed and he was turned with such force that he felt sick and yelped when his weight pressed against his hurt wrist. Shizuo had in his hands an almost empty bottle of lube, a box of condoms with only a couple left and one of his various dildos. The blond laughed when he saw the blush spreading through Izaya’s cheeks.

 

“This one isn’t even the biggest one. No wonder your ass sucked me in so easily last time.” Shizuo licked his lips in a filthy way that made Izaya’s stomach turn.

 

This was so fucked up. He turned Shizuo into something way worse than he had ever wanted. He closed his eyes at the warm sting suddenly present. He wasn’t that far gone yet.

 

Shizuo’s hand was suddenly in his coat, searching the inside pocket. He saw the blond’s hand pull out his knife and that was the closest to a warning he got before Shizuo was cutting his shirt open, letting the point of the sharp edge graze the skin enough to leave a thin trail of blood behind. Izaya hissed but was thankful that it barely bled.

 

“I’ll have to admit, always been impressed by the sharpness of your knives.” Shizuo smirked. “I kinda understand why you like them so much. It feels good when it slides against skin.”

 

Izaya opened his eyes just to see Shizuo cut him again, running the knife softly right under his ribs in a horizontal line. Shizuo kept going, littering his body with shallow cuts that barely bled, all of them together bringing a sting that was strong enough to have Izaya panting. The brunet took a shaky breath of relief when the blond seemed to grow bored and put the knife on the nightstand. His relief didn’t last long though. Shizuo placed a hand on Izaya’s chest and then rubbed his nipple and the brunet cursed his own body when he shivered.

 

Shizuo frowned. “It’s true, what people say about you.” Izaya’s question was turned into a sharp gasp when Shizuo twisted his nipple almost enough to hurt. “You are too good looking for your own good.” anger overflowed from Shizuo’s tone and Izaya turned his head in a useless attempt to cover his face, his eyes closed in both shame and fear.

 

Shizuo kept teasing both of his nipples right on the border of painful and Izaya’s body shivered in response. Izaya had a very clear idea of where this was going and cold dread pooled in his stomach. He was about voice something, anything, to maybe make the blond stop but all that left his mouth was a short scream. With his head turned, Izaya’s neck was bared and Shizuo bit on it hard enough to make it bleed. The brunet gasped when a tongue lapped up the blood. Another cry left him at a second bite, this one on his shoulder and even more gruesome. The brunet felt the blood quickly soak his shirt and coat on the spot under his shoulder and cringed, he had no doubt it would leave a nasty scar.

 

The adrenaline was slowly kicking in, the pain becoming a little bearable. He was finally able to think again when his jeans were suddenly ripped away from his body along with his underwear. He looked  down alarmed and noticed that, somewhere along the way, his shoes had fallen off and Shizuo was taking off his socks. He felt shame when Shizuo’s eyes scanned his naked body slowly and he squirmed, whimpering at the pain that reminded him of his cracked wrist.

 

Shizuo scoffed at Izaya’s predicament and scooted closer, pushing at the brunet’s legs to make space for himself. Izaya struggled uselessly, the blond had more than enough strength to just force his legs apart.

 

“Y’know…” Izaya jolted at the voice, it was close enough to his ear for him to feel Shizuo’s breath. “I gave this a lot of thought.” he grabbed the brunet’s mostly limp cock firmly and smirked at the hiss it caused. “I think humiliation is the way to go.” he placed an open mouthed kiss right under Izaya’s ear and the brunet shivered. “And what better way to humiliate you than to make you enjoy your own punishment.” and the brunet almost screamed when a dry finger entered him.

 

Izaya’s whole body tensed, his ass burned and twitched around the painful intrusion but a pleased sigh still left him when the hand on his hardening cock moved and Shizuo littered his neck with warm, wet kissed. He didn’t like it one bit, this was a kind of torture he never thought he would experience and it made him feel disgusted at how his body was reacting. He started pleading before he could stop it.

 

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, please.” he didn’t care about pride anymore, he would beg if he had to. “I’m sorry. I really a--” he bit his lip to stop a moan.

 

He was vaguely amazed at how fast and easily Shizuo found his prostate but overall he still hated the way his cock twitched and his ass tightened. The blond just laughed at his pleas and kept on torturing him, thrusting the dry finger straight into his sensitive spot. He hated how the pain just heightened the pleasure making him squirm and gasp. Shizuo was right, this was humiliating; his body shuddered and twitched while his face flushed with embarrassment and mortification.

 

Izaya was rock hard now, precum leaking and making Shizuo’s ministrations a bit smoother. The blond started licking at the nasty wound on his shoulder, making him whimper pathetically. He could feel himself nearing his climax and started shaking his head frantically, his eyes shut tight against the prickle of tears in his eyes.

 

“Stop--please.” he managed between pants and whimpers. He couldn’t hold back a loud moan when Shizuo gently pressed his thumb against his tip and twisted the finger inside the brunet to apply pressure on his prostate. He gasped and clenched his jaw, teeth grinding; he hated it, it was his punishment but it still felt like too much.

 

Shizuo chuckled and pulled away from his wound, lowering himself. Izaya’s eyes widened and he helplessly tried to twist away. A low keen left him when Shizuo took in half his length in one go, firmly pressing the flat of his tongue against the underside of the head and sucking. With the mouth working him so thoroughly and the finger still abusing his prostate Izaya became a mewling mess, some pants coming out as half-sobs. It didn’t take him long to cum, a loud gasp leaving him while his body twitched and trembled; Shizuo catching all of his cum in his mouth. Izaya’s vision turned white for some seconds and he couldn’t fill his lungs enough. He barely registered a mouth against his and tensed when a bitter taste landed on his tongue. The blond forced all the cum into Izaya’s mouth and then covered his mouth with his hand, applying more force than necessary.

 

Shizuo looked at him maliciously, the lust present in his eyes was manic and dark. “Swallow it.” Izaya tried to shake his head and flinched when the blond growled menacingly. Fingers painfully pinched his nose and the brunet squirmed. “Don’t test me.”

 

Izaya looked at him for a few seconds, hoping this was all actually a terrible nightmare caused by the alcohol he had consumed. When it became evident that he needed some air, he closed his eyes swallowed, coughing violently when Shizuo pulled away. The slimy texture clung to his throat and the taste tainted his whole mouth, he felt sick and nauseous. In the middle of his wave of dizziness, he felt Shizuo grabbing his hips and lifting, angling his body in an awkward way that made his neck ache and the wound on his shoulder strain painfully. He shrieked when his overly sensitive cock was grabbed again, the motions smooth now that it was wet, and a tongue pressed against his still twitching entrance, the warm and slick texture making his trembling worse.

 

“Stop--too much--please--” pleas kept flowing from his mouth in between pants, moans and groans. His eyes almost rolled back when Shizuo’s tongue pushed inside him, the pace on his overstimulated cock was too fast. He felt tears escape at long last, leaving wet hot trails behind and blurring his vision. Sobs were added into the mix and he couldn’t care anymore, he just wanted this to stop. Shizuo’s tongue thrusted into him in time with the pumping on his dick, only stopping for the blond to suck at the abused ring of skin. This time Izaya’s orgasm came quicker, a scream leaving him with the weak spurts of cum burning through his urethra and his body jerking in sync with his twitching entrance.

 

Shizuo let go of him and he flopped down on the bed, twitching and trembling, struggling to catch his breath. He started slipping into unconsciousness and briefly wondered if he could live past this.

 

-

 

Shizuo frowned when Izaya fell quiet and limp, a quick look at his face told him that the brunet had passed out. He took the moment to actually think about what he was doing.

 

He loved the pleased noises that he caused from Izaya, the way he completely dominated him gave the blond a rush as well. He also took pride on being able to make the brunet cum twice so quickly. But his chest still clenched painfully, the sight of tears and the sound of sobs making him hate himself a little. But he couldn’t stop, this had to be done. If the brunet had showed him no mercy then he wouldn't show any either. They were far from done.

 

He leaned over to reach for the whiskey bottle and took a couple of swigs, sighing in satisfaction at the pleasant taste and burn. He had to admit the informant had great taste. He placed the bottle back and looked at the items he had previously found in the drawer. He couldn’t deny the spark of jealousy he felt when he saw bottle of lube and the condoms. It was clear they hadn’t been bought too long ago yet they were both running low. A growl rumbled deep withing his chest at the thought of someone else making Izaya moan, making him writhe with pleasure as he came with their name on his lips. Or maybe it was Izaya making them moan. The image of Izaya fucking someone else senseless made him hum. Even though it made his aching erection twitch, it still left a bitter feeling in his chest.

 

He looked back at Izaya when he heard sniffling, the brunet’s eyes blinking back into consciousness. Shizuo undid his pants and lowered them along with his underwear, just enough to free his throbbing length. Without any warning, he grabbed Izaya’s silky hair and slammed him against the headboard, keeping him low and in place. He ignored the yelp it elicited and aligned his cock with the brunet’s closed mouth.

 

“Open up.” he hissed, tightening his grip when Izaya refused. “C’mon, you little slut. You used to love choking on my dick in dirty alleyways.” Izaya flinched as if the blow had been physical and Shizuo almost apologized. Almost.

 

With his patience wearing thin, he grabbed on to Izaya’s jaw with a crushing grip and forced his mouth open. He wasted no time in violating the brunet’s mouth, burying himself to the hilt in one go. He saw the tears instantly pouring from Izaya’s eyes and felt him choking violently, his gag reflex acting up for once. Suddenly worried that he might actually kill Izaya, he pulled back enough to leave his airway open. Izaya trembled with pain or panic, Shizuo couldn’t tell, and desperately inhaled through his nose while coughing around the cock still in his mouth. The sight was messy, tears and drool were all over Izaya’s face but he could only think of that experienced mouth and tight throat working him to bliss.

 

Before Izaya could fully recover Shizuo thrusted back in, groaning at the wet tightness he had missed for way too long. He set a punishing pace, going all the way in and pulling only halfway, and he was mindful to let the brunet breath enough to not die. He couldn’t have Izaya dying on him so soon. He was loosing himself to the pleasure, the whimpers of pain from Izaya feeling wonderful on his cock. He felt himself start twitching and started pulling away, not wanting to cum so soon, but Izaya bit down on him before he was fully out.

 

He yelped and acted out of reflex. He slapped Izaya hard across the face, the force making him fall off the bed and land painfully on his face with no hands to support his fall. Shizuo looked at Izaya’s prostrated form and smirked through the pain, he knew just what to do to get back at the brunet.

 

_I love it even more_

_When I find you on the floor_

_I know you think you hate me_

_But I will always hate you more_

__

He grabbed the previously selected dildo and the bottle of lube, he dropped a meagre amount on it and spread the slickness. Knowing full well that the brunet was not stretched at all and that the lube wasn’t nearly enough, he teased Izaya’s entrance with the tip of the toy. Izaya tensed and struggled to look at Shizuo without irritating his wounded shoulder. His eyes were wide and he was trembling with what the blond guessed to be more fear than pain.

 

“No, no, Shizuo, please. I’m sorry. Don’t do this, I’m begging you. It’s too much. I’m so sorry.” the brunet rambled on, his voice trembling and full of panic, his words barely understandable.

 

Ignoring the twist in his chest, he pushed it in mercilessly. He didn’t think he would ever be able to forget the sobbing scream that came out of Izaya. It was raw and louder than he ever thought the brunet could go. He kept the toy buried in him, almost all the way in, while Izaya loudly sobbed and whimpered, his whole body tense and almost convulsing. It was horrible, he felt sick and resisted the urge to run to the bathroom and vomit.

 

Even with his chest contracting in pain and his stomach roiling with disgust, he couldn’t bring himself to stop. He couldn’t forget all those days he cried himself to sleep, all those months he felt empty and lonely enough to question his existence, all the times he struggled with the hope that had bubbled at those words from Izaya’s lips, the way that small sad smile hunted him. He couldn’t forgive Izaya just like that.

 

Blinking away the sudden warmth that pooled in his eyes he steeled his resolve. With ease that only came from the many months he spent practicing, he locked his thoughts away along with his feelings, letting controlled anger overwhelm his mind. With a voice in his head constantly reminding him what a horrible monster he was, he started thrusting the toy in and out of Izaya, his shrieks barely reaching the blond’s ears.

 

_I never knew until I got a taste_

_What a waste_

_For what I had been through_

_'Cause nothing ever really makes that change_

 

-

 

All Izaya could feel was agony. White hot pain starting in his hips and travelling all the way to his upper back, like someone was slicing him open with a red hot knife. His lungs burned as whatever little air he could get left him instantly as guttural cries full of pain. He knew his eyes were open but his vision was black although he didn’t feel like he was passing out. At this point he wished he could, the pain making him even contemplate pissing off the blond enough to snap his neck. But he knew he wouldn’t be able to, he couldn’t even squirm with how badly his body was trembling.

 

He felt Shizuo tilt the toy and cursed loudly when he found his prostate, the little spark of pleasure making his body jolt. He noticed the toy was sliding in and out with more ease than before and grimaced at the thought of the state of his insides, he wouldn’t be surprised if there was blood already dripping out. His throat was raw and his cries had been reduced to whines and whimpers as his exhausted body got used to the pain. It wasn’t any more bearable than before but at least now he wouldn’t have to hear himself in such a pathetic state anymore.

 

He cursed again when Shizuo grabbed his limp dick, gently palming it and squeezing. With the toy still hitting his sensitive spot and the blond’s insistent touches, his body betrayed him once again, his cock slowly hardening and pleased sighs and groans escaping his mouth. The arousal turned the pain into a sick version of pleasure and Izaya moaned when Shizuo softly squeezed the head of his cock. Izaya felt the tears flow freely once again, not even noticing when they had stopped but being overly aware of them now as humiliation overwhelmed him once more.

 

He tried to say something, a plea, some begging, something, anything; but all that he could muster were soft sobs mixed in with his sighs and whimpers. At this point he was truly regretting ever meeting Shizuo. If he had never met the blond, then he would have never had a crush on him, never would have fought him obsessively, never would have gotten intimate with him, never would have ran away, never would have broken him and turned him into a real monster. His life would have been painfully boring but at least then Shizuo would have been able to lead a somewhat peaceful life. He tried to laugh bitterly but it came out as a broken sob.

 

_I'm so ashamed_

_Of what I did to you_

_I had to let you in to feel that rush_

_You were too much_

_Way too much_

Shizuo pumped his dick faster and Izaya tightened around the dildo inside him, the shock of pain from his abused hole making him whimper and shudder. He was close to climaxing for a third time and he couldn’t do anything about it except writhe and moan. The thrusting into his ass slowed down and then the same hot slickness from before teased at the skin stretched around the toy. He gave up on trying to hold the noises in, a moan coming out of him when the tongue hungrily lapped at the sensitive skin. He came after a few seconds of the ministrations, a shaky gasp tumbling from his lips as his dick twitched and only a few drops of cum trickled from the tip.

 

He winced when the toy was pulled away, the emptiness immediately giving way to soreness. For a moment he thought it was over, sighing deeply albeit shakily and relaxing his aching body as much as he could. He realized his mistake when Shizuo roughly grabbed him and threw him on the bed, his weight landing once again on his cracked wrist. He felt ready to pass out, he wanted to pass out. But, of course, he wasn’t that lucky.

 

Shizuo grabbed his softening dick and jerked it harshly, the blood rushing back in a painful way. The brunet considered squirming but gave up the idea quickly, he settled for just resigning to his torture while sobbing and whimpering pitifully. He keened when he felt 2 fingers enter him deeply, his bruised, probably torn, and overstimulated entrance being stretched once again. His prostate was brushed a few times, knocking the air out of his lungs and making his whole body twitch. He looked down and cringed when he saw the fingers come out him with a bit of blood on them, the proof of his thought being correct making him feel sick.

 

He felt more sobs wrack his entire frame when he heard a condom packet and the bottle of lube being opened. “Shizuo.” his voice was low and scratchy, truly as pitiful as he felt. “Please, don’t do this. It already hurts so much.” it all came out extremely shaky and broken, the few words coming out as sobs. “I’m so sorry. I’m begging you, stop.” the look on Shizuo’s face told him that his begging went unheard and he couldn’t help but weep openly when he felt the tip of the blond’s cock align with his entrance.

 

With a firm thrust Shizuo fully sheathed himself inside the brunet and Izaya keened loudly. There was plenty of lube now and he had been stretched but his torn entrance still caused him agony, this time enough to make him almost pass out. Shizuo was bigger than the toy and the fullness left him breathless. Unlike the toy, the cock inside of him was warm and pulsing and he sobbed when his dick twitched at Shizuo’s low moan of bliss.

 

The blond didn’t give him enough to time to recover, setting a steady pace almost instantly and never missing the bundle of nerves inside him. Izaya couldn’t stop his crying nor the moans and mewls and he hated all of it. He cursed when Shizuo gave a particularly strong thrust and then his lips were caught in a kiss. His eyes widened when the kiss didn’t hurt like he expected it to. It was slow and gentle, Shizuo going as far as slowing down the pace and just grinding against Izaya’s prostate. He couldn’t help the pleased moan and when a tongue entered his mouth to softly move against his, his eyes fluttered shut and he frowned. Had the situation been any different this would have been the sweetest kiss he had ever had, but now it just made him cry harder, responding to the kiss desperately against his will.

 

He felt Shizuo snake an arm around his waist and helping him sit up on the blond’s lap, the arm steadying Izaya while Shizuo’s other hand untied the restraint on his wrists. He immediately wrapped his arms around Shizuo’s neck, shaking from the intensity of the kiss. He really couldn’t bring himself to analyze the situation, his abused self just greedily taking in the comfort even though it was coming from his aggressor. Izaya was light headed when Shizuo broke the kiss, momentarily forgetting his current situation. A somber voice brought him back to reality.

 

“I’m pretty sure I loved you.” Shizuo rested his forehead on Izaya’s unhurt shoulder. The confession made him gasp and he just waited for the blond to continue. “Why did you have to ruin it?” Izaya didn’t have time to react, Shizuo’s hand wrapped tightly around his neck and slammed him down on the bed. Shizuo’s face contorted in anger and hurt and Izaya could only look back with fear while trying to claw at the iron grip on his windpipe. “Why?”

 

And Shizuo started thrusting roughly into him again, strangled pained whimpers falling from his lips. He closed his eyes, the pained look on Shizuo was even more unbearable than the abuse. He coughed when Shizuo finally released his throat and screamed when the blond bit his neck in the same spot as before, reopening the wound and sticking his tongue in it. Izaya clawed at the blond’s shirt in feeble attempts to push him away; his body was too exhausted to run away but his nature forced him to try regardless. He screamed, keened, whimpered, moaned, gasped and sobbed, everything bringing pain to his overstimulated body.

 

Shizuo started sucking on one of his nipples while pumping his cock and he felt his body spasm and jerk. He heard a chuckle through his fuzzy senses. “So that’s what cumming dry looks like.” Shizuo’s thrusting slowed a little, enjoying the way Izaya’s walls tightened rhythmically around him. “I wanna see it again.” he gave a sharp thrust and Izaya shrieked, he hadn’t even come down from his orgasm yet.

 

He couldn’t tell apart pleasure and pain anymore. His dick was still being jerked and his ass was still being pounded, his whole body almost convulsing at the overwhelming stimulation. His limbs fell limp, arms over his head, legs being pushed against his chest by Shizuo, his face turned to the side and partially hidden by his raised arm. He barely had any voice left and he just sobbed and gasped, an occasional whimper here and there. He felt Shizuo’s pace turn frantic, the abuse on his entrance worsening before Shizuo abruptly pulled out. Izaya gasped at the sudden emptiness and closed his eyes, burned out and relieved that the abuse would be over soon.

 

He heard a slightly wet sound and felt movement on the bed, next his hair was grabbed and he was pulled forward and down, making him yelp. He lifted his heavy lids only to close them again right as he felt something hot land on his face, he flinched but was kept firmly in place by the painful grip on his hair. His head was tilted up when the last of Shizuo’s release landed on him and he opened his eyes again. Shizuo looked sated, there was blood on his chin from when he reopened Izaya’s bite wound and he looked at the mess on Izaya’s face with a sick sense of pride. Izaya closed his eyes and felt silent tears flow again, he couldn’t help but wonder how he was still able to cry.

 

Shizuo let him carelessly fall back on the bed, landing on some of the pillows. He relaxed a little, thinking it was over when there was suddenly a hand on his still erect dick and 2 fingers entered him slowly.

 

“N-no, it’s t-too much.” he squirmed and whimpered weakly. “I’m gonna g-go ins-sane.” his voice was merely a scratchy whisper and his words were ignore by the blond.

 

The hand in his dick worked him gently and the fingers inside him were careful and precise. Somewhere in his mind he was laughing like a maniac, the now gentle treatment acting as a sick reminder of what he could have had if he hadn’t fucked up.

 

Shizuo let go of his dick momentarily to raise his hips a little and Izaya grabbed the sheets in a shaky, weak fist, knowing what the blond would do now. His body jerked when the tongue licked and prodded at his swollen ring of muscle. It didn’t take long for Izaya to start twitching and when he did, he was lowered down to the bed and a hand went back to his dick. Shizuo jerked him and rubbed his prostate in sync and it didn’t take long for Izaya to tense and twitch, a ragged gasp being all the noise he could produce. Shizuo watched in fascination how Izaya’s dick was twitching as if shooting invisible cum and kept rubbing his prostate until he saw Izaya’s eyes roll back.

 

Izaya was shaking uncontrollably when Shizuo’s touch finally left him and just laid limp for some seconds while he recovered his breathing. He somehow managed to muster some energy and turned on his side, curling in on himself even through the pain shooting through his whole back. Tremors still wracked his body when he heard the door to his master bathroom close. Knowing he was alone, he allowed himself to sob and weep once again, the pain and sorrow being too much and needing some kind of outlet. He didn’t bother moving or covering himself up and tried to rest but the pain was too much, both physically and emotionally.

 

_I'll take whatever I can take_

_Whenever I can take it_

_If it ever comes_

_I hate you when you're gone_

_I hate you turn me on_

_I hate the way I need you when_

_I don't know where you are_

_I love it even more_

_When I find you on the floor_

_I know you think you hate me_

_But I will always hate you more_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Ah...I'm sorry? ^^; I just had to post it somewhere, I'm kind of proud of it for some sick reason. Please make sure to do some self-care in case this affects you. If you just want to read fluff to cleanse out this venom then feel free to read my other fic 'Maroon Eyes and Smug Smirks'. It's cheesy as fuck and fluffy all around so it might help a little.
> 
> Feedback is welcomed even if it's just to scream bloody murder at me!   
> Hope you enjoyed? ...that felt wrong.
> 
> Thanks for reading~


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